Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

h1

With the boo, Sachin seems Taboo, “cricketkeeper” Dhoni cannot afford to be a phoney

March 29, 2006

Yesterday(28/3/2006),I had the pleasure of watching(at the stadium)India beat England at the Firozshah kotla ground here in Delhi.There were some very interesting comments by the crowd on Mahendra Singh Dhoni but first the context:-

About a week back , Sachin Tendulkar made frontline news in the Times of India and Hindustan Times when he was booed by his homecrowd for getting out very cheaply. Many former senior cricketers criticized the crowd for insulting a senior cricketer like Tendulkar. Kapil Dev, in his autobiography has mentioned how the players were reduced to tears on receiving an overwhelming welcome on winning the world cup in 1983. Six months later, the crowd tried to pelt them with stones on losing a match to the West Indies. He said that this has to be taken in the spirit of "taking the brickbats with the bouqets" and that is how Sachin should probably see the situation.

It is too premature to compare Dhoni to Sachin, but some of the statements of the crowd were revealing(It seemed that he was was the "cricketkeeper" of the nation instead of mere wicketkeeper):-

1) As soon as Shewag got out, somebody called to say, "Oye Gambhir, Gambhir hoke mat kheliyo, kuch Dhoni se seekh. (Gambhir, don't play quietly, follow Dhoni's example) 

2)Except for the fall of the first wicket, whenever the other wickets fell, the crowd was eager to see whether or not the incoming batsman was Dhoni by continously chanting his name. When he finally made his appearance after the fall of 4-5 wickets, he received a loud roar.

3) In the Toilet, I overheard people in adjoining toilets having a chat on what a fool Dravid was for not sending Dhoni earlier.

4) At the food stall, somebody remarked that one need not worry about the fall of early wickets as anything was possible as long as Dhoni's wicket was intact.

5) When I was returning to my seat with foodplates in both my hands, I had to stop at one place where I overheard a cop requesting his boss(in hindi)not to move him as Dhoni had come and the boss eagerly stole a glance to the ground from his duties to acertain the fact.

6) When Dhoni hit a shot which seemed to be rushing to the boundary but was halted, prompt came a remark from behind ,"Yeh ulloo ke paththe pata nahin kahaan kahaan se aa jaate hain fielding karne". "God knows from where these **** come from to obstruct the shot". It seemed that every shot of Dhoni should go for a four or six.

7) When Dhoni got out,an Englishman in the crowd began to stand and applaud. Somebody remarked from Behind" Oye Angrez ki Aulaad, Dhoni ne Dhulai nahin ki tau kya hua, main teri dhulai kar doonga. Niche, baith, ****"-Hey Englishman, so what if Dhoni did not hit out today, I will hit you. Sit down, you ****)

Such expectations, such adulation. One really salutes Sachin Tendulkar for carrying the burden of even more expectations in his illustrious 16 year career. Some film producers sit among the crowd for gauging the response to their films but I would be very nervous to hear such comments if I were a cricket star.

Though over the years I have admired different attributes of different cricketers in both forms of the game, I am with the crowd and very much a fan of one day cricket. Unfortunately,  cricketers are unanimous in their opinion that test cricket is the real cricket though in my view one day cricket is a different form of test where the resources have to be utilized optimally because of the time constraint.( Just as one of the reasons attributed to the success of Japan and Germany after the second world war  the scarcity of resources which forced their efficient utilization). There are some self styled connoisseurs who still enjoy the five day game(one can admire a player's stamina and temprament but who wants to pay to watch all that and who has the time in today's world) but I think the majority is for the one day fireworks. I think that the cricket board should host a best of three one days at each ground. Then the cricketers will get their job satisfaction and the crowd shall get their value for money.It will be a win-win situation for all.

Sachin does not deserve to be booed but the test matches played on lop sided batting pitches(first two test matches in pakistan) definitly deserve a thumbs down.

My admiration for Dhoni has doubled and going with the popular mood, let me add one of the most popular songs of yesteryear's:-

"Anhoni ko honi kar de, honi ko anhoni,

Ek Jagah jab jama ho teeno- Dhoni, Dhoni aur Dhoni"

There are six matches to go. Hope my words prove prophetic. 

h1

“Hum aapke hain Kaun?”, Mr Bill Clinton?

February 24, 2006

On 21/2/2006, the Times of India displayed a photograph  of former American President Bill Clinton and his wife Hillary in Indian wedding clothes. They make an impressive sight and the former President even declares that he would wish the same kind of wedding for his daughter.He further said that he kept coming back to India because he loved India.

This is addressed to Mr Clinton and other American Presidents in general:-

Since you have mentioned our weddings so specifically, Mr President, I would apprise you of a movie that I had seen a few years ago. The name of the movie was “Hum aapke hain kaun” where perhaps for the first time , the Indian wedding was shown in full swing and splendor on the silver screen. It became the biggest commercial success of all time became a precedent for a spate of such movies . The word “Hum aapke hain kaun” literally means “ How are we related to you?’ .

Looking at the American foreign policy, it  puts things in a very interesting perspective. It’s common knowledge the world over that the United states follows the policy of  “short term gain long term pain “ in blindly following its “interests”. A small extract on Oscar movies from  the latest post of  my friend , http://oream.blogspot.com/

“Kaput!

The brutal murder of more than a hundred thousand Iraqis and two thousand plus American soldiers in the invasion of Iraq sent shockwaves through the world – and captured the attention of an author named William Blum.The movie covers his journey to create a bestseller ROGUE STATE: A Guide to the World’s Only Superpower. Through his extensive research, Blum compiles a detailed list of US governments involvement since WWII in torturing, kidnapping, harboring terrorists, using chemical and biological weapons and utilizing many other lovely foreign policy tools. The book got a recommendation from the most wanted and homicidal of terrorists, Ossama Bin Laden. (I am not kidding!)”

One comes across so many articles which state that the attitude of the Western world changed towards India and the third world only after they themselves experienced terrorism on 9/11 and the London bomb blasts. Does it take catastrophes for you to empathize with us?, Doesn’t it reflect poorly on the human race in general? Considering the recent cartoon controversy which has aroused worldwide resentment, one really wonders how much revulsion  the Iraq war must have caused and what are its long term consequences Ponder again “Hum Aapke hain kaun?”  I remember reading in a magazine before the war started  that  the Iraq war had the potential of creating more terrorists and more 9/11s.  In the same magazine, I remember reading that though the United states was perceived as a bully boy in third world countries, the serial “friends “ is very popular in Pakistan of all places. That apart the American culture is aped the world over. It’s a great pity that despite having the right weapons in abundance, you tend to choose the wrong ones. Ponder again “Hum aapke hain kaun?”.Just as you have mentioned your fondness for Indian marriages, the romance for an average English educated child in India with the United  States begins at the age of around 10-12 when he begins to read Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew or the Archie comics before graduating to better stuff( In my case, some great management literature). Considering that you and and we are the world’s oldest and the world’s largest democracies having the largest speaking English populations, we should have been the greatest of friends and the words “Hum aapke hain kaun” should have had no significance even during the cold war. That  is long over and why start similar wars by pursuing such policies and create further cold wars. Iraq is a case in point.I have come across so many Americans who are opposed to the war.  I hope that all the Presidents who form policy in the future have this question on their heads “ Hum aapke hain kaun”. .In a lighter vein, let me conclude:- Poem begins:-  Mr Clinton for us it is a matter of pride. That  your daughter you would want to wed like an Indian bride Why follow policies that most people in the world deride?Why try to take the rest of the world for a ride ? Instead of perusing policies from which you may have to hide The most powerful nation could proudly assume a different stride We too are proud that you have been so enamored of an Indian marriage.Why follow policies that arouse the world’s outrage Its high time American foreign policy comes of age The mood of the people all over is not something that powerful satellites can gauge. Use empathy and Spiritual  leadership, many a great leader have had flashes of a sage. American presidents have been charming, wars they don’t have to wage Poem ends Then instead of your saying “Monica, Oh my darling”(old hindi movie song), the whole world may say “America, Oh my Darling” . 

h1

Hum Ek(One) Humare Dou(Two)-Blogily planning?

February 18, 2006

I have been wondering how the old family planning dictum “Hum dou humare dou” applies to blogs. Being new to blogging, there was no alternative but to move around the blogosphere to not only get the feel of it but to announce to fellow bloggers that I was the new kid around the blog( read block). This middleaged kid was surprised to learn that some of  my esteemed seniors have as many as nine blogs to their credit which ironical though it may seem in the “seniors” context, is a sign of youthful exuberance.

That reminds one of Bihar Ex chief minister, Lalloo Prasad Yadav’s nine children. When asked whether he believed in family planning, pat came the reply “ What else do you think I have been doing”. To digress a little, superb entertainer as he is wonder how lalloo would have responded to  blogs:-

Hum bhi banayenge blogua( Blog)

Jaanenge us maadhyam se logua(log or people)

Ke fodder scam me hum nahi the thagua(Thug)

Hum CM nahi rahe, ee hume kya hoi gawa

Just as a pace bowler  after a few years experience in  cricket realizes that one can get more wickets on swing rather than sheer pace, it is quality and not quantity that matters. The general truism apart, success in life comes from knowing your niche instead of  scattering your energy all over the place. If you have a kind of general purpose blog which you want to sub-categorize, I feel WordPress is a far better platform because it is administratively difficult to manage so many blogs simultaneously. That’s where “Hum ek , Humare dou” comes in because even with wordpress, it is not advisable to do more than two blogs initially at least.  Besides, WordPress has several other impressive features like automatic linking, RSS and even some kind of arrangement with Techorati, which to my mind is the best search engine for blogs. All this is a boon to beginners.

I have plenty of experience in software implementation from which I have learnt that one should not immediately switch because sometimes a new software flatters to deceive or you may goof up initially in some respect. Though WordPress is good in every respect, some of the configuration is slightly dicey initially. Blogger is kind of “first love” as far as blogging is concerned and I hate leaving the platform. At the same time, the better features at WordPress cannot be ignored. I have been wondering whether it is possible to have the cake and eat it too i.e to run with the hare and hunt with the hounds  or in this respect, remain with both. There are lots of people who have their anonymous comments switched off in blogger(as a result of which you cannot give them your wordpess link) and to remain in touch with such anonymous pals, why not stay with both? Legally, I don’t think anything is wrong with it(Hum ek humare dou again). Please comment.:-

As in the Blogosphere I try to find my feet and  hobble,

I am having trouble

Deciding whether to stay single or double

Having two platforms may enable

To go global

I don’t want to do anything illegal and wobble.

No controversies please, I am here to have fun, to babble.

The other way out is the third front like in politics which http://www.greatbong.net/  and http://www.arz000n.com/ have shown recently  by going for their own websites  but I suppose for a newbie, one has to be pretty confident of one’s writing to pull that off because in the long run, one would want the site to be self sustaining or one would be reduced to singing the greatsong “ Dil ki ye arz000n hai ke koiii advertise kare…”

h1

Rashmi O Rashmi, Rush me, Don’t crush me

February 7, 2006

I have found Rashmi Bansal’s blog(on my blogroll-youth curry) one of my favorites as it has been consistently good. Rashmi Bansal’s review on “Rang De Basanti” is as great as the movie itself and seems to be the unanimous favorite; going by some of the posts  “Rang De Basanti” also reminds one of the colorful holi scenes of the immortal classic, “Sholay” where actress Hema Malini is very colorful and boisterous as the character Basanti. “Sholay” got the best film in fifty years award from filmfare last year. It was technically and creatively a true classic, almost perfect from very an