Kabhi Alvida na kehna, Osho ka kya hai Sochna?

August 11, 2006

Kabhi Alvida na kehna 

We saw Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna today,The movie is a good exploration(by the standards of a typical commercial hindi film) of extra marital relationships. The elaborate sets, the foreign locales, the Jazzzy star cast, the lovely songs, the elaborate song and Dance sequences, the engaging dialogues , the wirtty repartee etc. Some would rate it as Karan Johar’s best movie till date and it would be surprising if it does not turn out to be a super duper hit.

However, one cannot help but wonder about certain things. In his earlier movie, “Kabhi khushi Kabhi gum”, the way the brothers were seperated and united, we were wondering why they were seperated in the first place. In this movie, Abhishek Bachchan(Rishi) is married to Rani Mukherjee(Maya) and Shahrukh Khan(Dev) to Preity Zinta(Rhea). One cannot show too many things in three hours but there did not seem to have any great incompatibility problems that lead to the affair between Rani Mukherjee and Shahrukh Khan. My wife whispered to me,”  Why doesn’t she like Abhishek Bachchan.She is mad or what”. They have tried to show their incompatability but it is not something that could not be resolved. Actually, it seemed that Abhishek and Priety Zinta had far better chemistry and they should have had an affair, if any.

The movie tries to show that where there is marriage without love, there would be love without marriage. Its more like Abhishek telling Rani,” You won’t have a chance with me if you don’t dance( in the party and in bed i.e.show passion) 

I could figure out that on watching Abhishek, meri wife ko “Kuch Kuch hota hai“. I had to be on my guard about my own marriage. Kya pata, “Kal ho na ho ? As it is after ten years of marriage, the evergreen charm of bachelorhood and courtship can hardly be expected. Married life becomes Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gum.

Jokes apart, that’s exactly what I felt about Preity Zinta. Who would drop pretty babe Zinta for Rani Mukherjee. “Jab Preity jaisi  Rani(wife) ho, tau Rani Mukherjee  ko koi bhi muhkar  jai. Dev ko Maya ya kisi aur Devi ki maya rakne ki kya zaroorat thi jabki koi Rishi ka bhi jiya hila deti Rhea.” Dev, yeh kaisi maya hai miya? Tum to experienced ho, Devdas jo reh chuke ho” .  As it is I am of the view that Priety Zinta ke saamne kisi ka chance nahin  hai banta.  Though the movie was good overall, I felt that Salaam Namaste which also dealt somewhat with the issue of compatibility between life partners was a lot cuter and was far more natural without any overdose of melodrama. The only common factor between the two movies is again the naturally cute Preity babe which only corroborates what I have said in the early part of the paragraph. This movie was more like  “Dilwaale dusro ki dulhaniya aur dulhe le jayenge“.

This movie is similar to “Silsila” that came twenty years ago which featured Rekha and Amitabh Bachchan.He had an affair with Rekha in the movie( only?) but could not get her and had to return to his wife. In this movie,as a naughty old man  he seems to be making up for lost time and crosses the Lakshman Rekha and flirts with a bevy of lovely firang ladies. Needless to mention, he carries it off with aplomb along with the serious scenes and die hard fans like me would want to tell the Superstar Emeritus to keep raising bar, to keep crossing even more rekhas where acting skills are concerned. In the movie, he dies in the end but I would like to say- “Please keep acting, Mr BachchanKabhi alvida na Kehna.  This holds true for the father-son duo; their chemistry is fantastic and they really rock together.

Though everybody has acted very well, the movie is over melodramatic in certain phases like Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gum. They have shown the couples parting in what can be deemed a bold end but unnecessarily prolonged the end by making Mukherjee and Shahrukh remaining separated  for another three years for no rhyme or reason and  the railway station scenes in the end were too long and artifically hindi-movie like. For a movie that has a title ,”Kabhi alvida na kehna”, this is a lot of unnecessary and artificial procrastination. It was an endless silsila that they could have done without.

On a more serious note,here are the views of the great revolutionary mystic, Osho Rajhneesh(taken from http://www.barnet.sk/software/sos/osho/osho-talks/seltops.htm) on the subject of marriage per se which are quite relevant in the context of both this movie and that wonderful movie, “Salaam Namaste”What is expressed by Osho seem live solutions and have been expressed in Bold:-

“People go on living in misery thinking that, “Next life I will find another woman — or another husband — but this life nothing can be done. It is better to accept.” So people remain somehow satisfied, whatsoever the situation is, and they call it contentment — it is only consolation. And they have rationalized all these ugly things in many ways.”

Solution no 1- Pre-marital relationships as a gauge of compatibility- This was shown very well in the movie “Salaam Namaste”:-

“Now this is so illogical. Unless a man or a woman has lived in many pre-marital relationships there is no possibility of choosing a right partner. This is such a simple phenomenan! Unless you have experienced many women and men in your life, how can you choose who is going to be the right person to live with? But they don’t allow any pre-marital relationships, so people start falling in love at first sight — which is nonsense. Then, of course, the same people say love is blind. First they throw acid in your eyes and then they say love is blind! You see the strategy? Don’t allow boys and girls to meet and mingle with each other so that they can experience many people before they decide — don’t allow them. Suffocate their sexual energy!

Pre-marital relationship is a very scientific phenomenon. It has to be allowed, it has to become part of human rights. It should be one of the basic rights of every human being to have love relationships before one decides for some intimacy, to live with somebody for a longer period. I will not say for your whole life, because who knows, life is a big thing, but for a longer period. Tomorrow you may find a far more beautiful woman, a far more beautiful man, then your intelligence will say that it is better to choose. Then why go on being tortured by your past? Remain free for the future, open to the future. So I say only for a longer period, when you decide.

When you have enjoyed many relationships you will be able to choose, you will be able to judge what kind of woman or man suits you, what kind of woman or man is a nourishment.

I am all for pre-marital relationships. Without them man will remain insane.”

Soltuion no 2- Extra marital relationships

“And he says he is also against extra-marital relationships. That is a little more complicated, but it has to be understood. That too is one of the latest psychological findings, that extra-marital relationships help marriage, they don’t destroy it. It is always good to have a little change, just at the weekend. It does not harm at all. That idea — that if a man starts having a little love affair with some woman other than his wife it will destroy the marriage — is absolutely wrong. It will help, it will renew the relationship, because one gets tired. Man is, after all, human. Don’t ask impossible things! One gets tired — the same woman, the same man. One loses all taste.

If you have to eat the same food every day, like I do, you will get fed up.

Unless you are enlightened you, extra-marital relationships are good. So please have as many as you can have before you become enlightened, because once you are enlightened I cannot help! Then you are finished.

Once in a while just a little taste of a new woman, a new man revives your interest in the old woman and the old man. You start thinking, “After all, she is not so bad.” A little change is always good.

I am not against extra-marital relationships. The people who are against them are really teaching you possessiveness in an indirect way.

When I say I am not against extra-marital relationships I am teaching you non-possessiveness.

Just see the point: if I talk about non-possessiveness people think, “That’s spiritual, that’s religious — that’s great!” But if I talk about extramarital relationships, the spiritual and the religious are immediately offended.

But I am saying the same thing. Talking about non-possessiveness is abstract, talking about extra-marital relationship is concrete. And you cannot live with abstractions, you have to live with concrete life. And what wrong can it do? If a man is tired of the same woman — the same contours, the same geography, the same topography — once in a while a little bit different geography, a little bit different landscape…and he comes home again interested in exploring the old map. It gives a break — a coffee break. And after each coffee break you can again get involved in the same work, the same files, and you open them and you start working…. The coffee break helps you.

I don’t want people to be interested in impossible ideals. I am not an idealist at all. I am down-to-earth, a pragmatist, a realist.

If people want to live together in a deep intimacy, they should not be possessive. They should allow freedom. And that’s what extra-marital relationship is: freedom. But people are very strange.”

Salaam Namaste was all about pre-martial exploration and Kabhi alvida na Kehna is about extra marital exploration. Osho or for that matter his great contemporary Krishnamurthy were men too ahead of their times and many of their teachings went unimplemented during their lifetimes..

On fhe face of it, what he says does have substance but there is a slip between the cup and the slip and one wonders how practically feasible it is to implement such ideas. One school of thought is that “Expecting perfect compatibility in marriage is like expecting a Utopia and people who keep changing jobs and marriages exchange one type of problems for another do not realize that the problem lies with themselves and not with the external circumstances”. This too is relevant  in some other cases and one should contemplate a change only if there is drastic incompatibility. In my view, teaching practical psychology(management of people) in schools to gauge incompatibilty in advance to the extent possible( the only foolproof way is to live together as shown in Salaam namaste)and also cope better in case of maladustment. This is as important as sex education.

I can sense some naughty opportunisim in the young people who have read Osho’s views but hard facts are that like some of the  books which get banned, this is too radical a change for Indian society to accept en-masse. Osho in his life was revered for some of the fantastic things he said till he started talking about subjects like sex and what is mentioned above. Variety cannot always be the spice of life.

Our society is simply not ready for such explorations. So let me introduce to another exploration.. This has to do with the other major decision of one’s life- the right occupation once again by  Osho, President Abdul Kalam and Shahrukh khan among others  “Kabhi alvida na kehna – Hamesha ke liye alvida kehnaa” – http://mypyp.wordpress.com/2006/08/11/kabhi-alvida-na-kehna-humesha-ke-liye-alvida-kehna/ 



  1. Hey thats a nice post & surely good write up on KANK! Now Im waiting to c the same. 🙂

    Tho one can argue on many grounds fr the extra marital bits, it doesnt appeal me one bit! Also all relationships do have their ups & downs & it is difficult fr us to find a perfect partner. So might as well be happy the way things are!

    Regd Osho & his teachings, I wld say no comments! 😡 😉

  2. Hey! That was a good insight on the movie. I haven’t seen it yet and who knows when I will see it. Though I have to say, I don’t know if I really agree with your “extra-marital” concept. That’s something that is un-acceptable.

    p.s. thanks for visiting my blog. Your blog is quite interesting:D

  3. I had to skip the part about the movie coz I wud like to see it myself, but osho’s ideas are quite interesting. I guess it is not about the indian society being traditional that much as it is about the dangers involved in casual realtions that keep ppl away from it. Had we been less brainy a creture, we cud have avoided the THINKING process altogther and had fun. but in any realtion there r no gurantees about one of the partners NOT thinking more than the other…n thats where the problems start. So until someone gets lucky(Right!:))..and finds that perfectly matching mindset…the enlightened pleasure will remain elusive…Sigh….

  4. Hi Hiren,

    Great post 🙂

    “If a man is tired of the same woman — the same contours, the same geography, the same topography — once in a while a little bit different geography, a little bit different landscape…and he comes home again interested in exploring the old map. It gives a break — a coffee break. And after each coffee break you can again get involved in the same work, the same files, and you open them and you start working…. The coffee break helps you.”

    !!!!!!going with osho dude !!!!Wish everyone had the same philosophical thinking as you have 🙂

  5. well what u said abt pre-marital relationships was kool but abt extra-marital relationships i tend to disagree somewhat assuming marrying is ok(which am not too sure)

    “If a man is tired of the same woman — the same contours, the same geography………The coffee break helps you.”
    now saying that what’s implicitly implied is that the other partner has stopped appealing cos he’s not evolving any more and cos of being bored u wander here n thr till u somewhat forget ur partner and when u come back as u have forgotten a bit the old thngs somewhat look new to u…..
    isn’t that a compromise??

    also i couldn’t get how extra-marital relationships and “non-possessiveness” r the same things, or rather imply each other….
    extra-marital relationships can be called fredom but not non-possessiveness, and also restrictive freedom as u have to still come back….

  6. Osho rocks..so too your review

  7. Really.. these opinions are so easily mis understood and mis implemented.. when does a little premarital become too much premarital to focus on a commitment.. when does a little extramarital become “only happy with having fun”.. what is the guarantee that the person will think “maybe he is not so bad”.. and not “what was i doing all these years of my life? I should have been with this one!”?

  8. Good post. I kind of see it from mathematical point of view. Love at first sight is like getting stuck into local extrema. There are global maxima out there but you just dint bumped into them. So keep trying.
    A global maxima is also temporal. Tommorrow a new maxima can come on the horizon. 🙂
    Who knows !! So rock on. 😀

  9. […] Hiren Shah has found out quite a few parallels btw Salaam Namaste , Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna and Osho philosphy. Osho is all for pre – marital and extra marital affairs. Osho says ,generally “People go on living in misery thinking that, “Next life I will find another woman — or another husband — but this life nothing can be done. It is better to accept.” So people remain somehow satisfied, whatsoever the situation is, and they call it contentment — it is only consolation. And they have rationalized all these ugly things in many ways.” […]

  10. @ Haz- couldn’t agree with you more
    @ shama- I too am wary of extra-marital thing
    @ sparsh Better not to sparsh any other man/woman
    @ Manish I too wish everybody would follow Osho
    @ rakeshajhuria- I agree with you. Those are Osho’s views
    @ LOL – Thanks
    @ raJat- Very true
    @ Dream on – Osho’s views can only be a pipedream.

  11. great stuff on KANK… loved ur play on words!!

    as for the Osho stuff.. easily said.. but kinda selfish..

  12. Hey Hiren, interesting views…aso liked Rajat’s mathemaical interpretation of Osho. Without getting moralistic about pre-m and x-m, my two bits: love is hardly an optimisation exercise, so looking for the ‘ideal’ solution is likely to be elusive…i mean stuff like respect and bonding with your partner require investment on your part, doesn’t happen if you play the short-term optimisation game. And if both partners think coffee breaks are great then…is that nirvana or does it mean something’s wrong with the relationship…i don’t know.

    oh and btw, what does your wife think abt your views on Osho’s ideology…hope she doesn’t read this blog 😉

  13. Hey Hiren, your blog is very light hearted and fresh. There’s just so much being written about KANK 🙂
    Sex (be it pre-marital sex and extra-marital) always sells. The more immoral and illicit – the better.
    The emotional angle is ofcourse what draws the women to the movies. And that ensures packed houses.
    Makes me wonder – the whole world revolves around a few seconds of orgasm.

  14. good review man!! but see, when you go for watching a hindi movie, prepare yourself to watch ssome melodrama. hindi movie can’t happen without melodrama

  15. “But they don’t allow any pre-marital relationships, so people start falling in love at first sight — which is nonsense. Then, of course, the same people say love is blind. First they throw acid in your eyes and then they say love is blind!”

    Well two very strong views, both of which can be though completely wrong. Love, atleast if and when you do fall in true love, is blind, it never sees reasons, or logic or rationale, it is love just love and nothing else. And it does happen, though often results in heartbreak 😉

  16. wow! that’s a gr8 review.

    and ahh thanx 4 dropping in to my blog and the comment. but where is the link that talked abt?? 🙂

  17. Good post…but I personally feel there is no particular formula to make a relationship work…it just happens. We have to walk keeping in mind that ups and downs are part of life. We can’t discard a person like a cloth, car or anything inanimate. About OSHO…his philosophies are majorly used for self-satisfaction without even realising the actual meaning.

  18. Good and different review Hiren. Long one, but I read it!

    How about reviewing all those TV serials as well? Try it. Not my subject, so I am leaving it for you!

  19. thats a f**kin good review. the movie was boring, SRK n rani’s character were awful, n they even had s*x. shame on rani, she had s*x with SRK, who is a father of 2 children. preity n abhi were cool. this is karan johar’s worst film.

  20. rani sucks. i hate her!!! she is so shameless. she is jealous of preity thats y she swap her character with preity, couldnt resist preity being better than her. she is even jealous of priyanka, who is a newcomer. she is also jealoues of ash,cos ash is beautiful n she is not. shame on her!!

  21. I guess I wont see KANK..this is the 3rd post Im reading abt it where the writer laughs at it 🙂

    Anyways, pre-marital r’ship or not, love can happen in strange ways.


  22. hey shahrukh gets with rani at the end?

  23. I could not digest the way they potray how easily man and woman can switch sides. And I dont like big banner movies with big banner stars potraying such things. what example are we setting?

  24. Hi,

    That’s an interesting write up. havent seen the movie (actually couldn’t muster the courage to stand in long queues for another Karan Johar larger than life flick) but I’ve heard that it’s more realistic than his other films. Whatever the case, your blog is interesting! 🙂

  25. I absolutely loved this movie. I am glad to see finally an Indian movie’s message is not to somehow compromoise into making a relationship work when its obviously falling apart, and to take a spouse back after they have cheated on you, and are still in love with the other person. I pity those who did not get the message of the movie, which is instead of trying to make two lives miserable for the sake of having a “happy marriage”, its better to let both the individuals be who they really are and let them find true love. Its unfortunate they don’t find it to begin with, but alas there is a soulmate out there for each and every one of us, for the couples in this movie it just wasn’t their significant other. People make mistakes. Its better to learn from them and move on instead of ending the movie in a note of “Family is paramount..whether you are miserable, in depression and chronically on the verge of going insane, just make it work dammit!” Top props to Karan Johar for making this movie. I am so glad someone is finally willing to acknowledge the fact that marriages do fall apart, and people do continue to lead normal healthy and happy lives ever after they do so. A must see for everyone.

  26. gr8 analysis on a movie i slept thru ;))))

  27. more than the big-small B chemistry, i enjoyed the SRK-Big B one, though it was only a couple of scenes.. the exchange at the dinner table which Amitabh ends with ‘good joke’ was the best hatred chemistry ever …

  28. I think the movie was great for two reasons, amazing cinematography, music and also because it was bold enough to talk about real issues and real life.
    Why is it ok to watch thousands of hollywood movies which has extra marital affairs, one night stands and cheating and divorces and when its shown in Hindi movie its a taboo and its wrong? And all of you know that there are tons of divorces happening in India itself for many reasons, and when its shown in Hindi movie people can’t except it. Open your eyes and try to see. Just because Shah Rukh Khan is always known as a romantic hero and he can’t do anything bad, does not mean he can’t act as just another guy around the block. Dev and Maya’s charachters were based on many people who we can relate to, who might fall for someone for no apparent reason. Cheating on wives and husbands have been in hindi movies for years (Biwi #1, Murder whatever), but because the leading actors and actresses of the industry went ahead and done a movie which is bold and led to divorces it is wrong? Also, there are many many couples who has join custody on children and they become better friends after the divorce and stay in touch, its real, its happening and it might not be me and you, but you need to open your eyes and see what is the truth. Its very easy to say things, but not easy when its in your own life. I have seen several of our friends go through similar problems.

  29. Oops! I feel like a fish out of water! I do not watch many Hindi movies, but the write-up here was interesting, more of an analysis……..

    Variety cannot always be the spice of life.

    Pretty true…

  30. Wish I would have read it before I saw the movie.
    Karan has really disappointed this time. How can he even think of a pathetic story like this. What he wanted to prove by this. I think Karan you need a long break, I thought u were growing up.. but guess u are stil a kid.

  31. Very well written sir. The length I am sure is inspired by the movie. I know now for sure that I am not going to watch (willingly that is)


  32. I don’t think I will watch this movie – not for me. And about Osho, I am not quite sure if I agree with all his points you listed!!

  33. felt it as a remake of a movie came in early 1990’s in tamil ” pala pala arthamghal” ( transalation – differnt meaning) directed by a ace director K balachandar – director of ” ek duje kaliya”
    it is done in class and richness of colour and actors that suits the todays world of modern global community . But balachandar did it simple way with a good musics.

  34. o this was a movie of its kind…i never got to know why rani was cribbing all the time inspite of abhishek being so nice to her…god if u want to slow torture someone send him for this movie

  35. Hiren, I dont think premarital and extramarital relationships are a good thing.

    Regarding the osho thing, I must say that adjustment will still be needed even if you are with your clone!! Its about where the tolerance levels stand. Also, you still need to console yourself to some extent. Nobody is perfect, those attitude Tshirts notwithstanding.

    Now, I sure think that premarital and extramarital relationships really lower your commitment to your partner, and that is what you married for in the first place – commitment, trust, loyalty, companionship.

    Premarital and extramarital relationships just take away the charm out of marital bliss. Reduced commitment, reduced loyalty means,,,,, the marriage is broken, or will break in future.

  36. Nice to see osho mentioned here. ; – )

    Cheers, Rohit

  37. hey..good review!! and I agree…Preity is much much cuter than Rani…..

    And I believe it makes sense to have a pre marital realationship…although you would really know a person only when you actually get married to them/stay with them. But again I am not too cool about living in…..

    A nice write up

  38. Sorry if I’ sound like I’m living in the 18th century.
    But has the indian tradition of matchmaking the bride and bridegroom by the repective families, forgotten as thing of past. Many british indian films still portray this aspect as part of their culture. One english-indian film of the top of my mind is Chicken.Tikka.Masala

  39. osho is the words off nature itself dont doubt them
    dont give judgements on it.just read what he say and try to absorb them,he make you free off every thing which is feeding your ego.his words will let you closure to yourself and the god in you.

  40. hey well i am marokkon and born in norway so thats where i am now .i just wanted to sya the movie was okey but i liked the dancing .but the thing that upsetted me the most is well i liked shahrukh since i was 18 years old and always i wasna sea him or keep in toush with him wright to him or whatever.well i should get to the point i didnet like the bit when i saw him getting in bed with rani thinking to my self he has got a whife with 2 children in it.than how could she let him doe this is it because she dosent care about him.i mean if i married him i would feel hurt seen him doing like this inside the movies what about his children what would they say about that when the gone grow up shahrukh loock im not saying rthis for fun im saying this cauze i like u and i will take u as my own best frieng i dont care about the age im loocking at the carectstic u hace got anyways i have got work to go to s o take care of ur self bye love muwah xxxxxx

  41. http://www.freewebs.com/livestreams123

  42. Osho has said so many different things that you can never colclude anything. he always contradict whatever he says .. so whatever is concluded doesn’t have any real value.
    people pick up whatever is of their interest and then implement it on the name of Osho:)
    Osho’s teaching is like vast ocean you can’t know him by these pieces.
    So I would say never try to follow him:)
    He has talked abt almost everything so just go into details and then you will know what does his teaching mean.He said ” You should follow one way ..either enjoy tempoerary affairs and don’t go deep and you will remain superficial or be with a single partner have intimate relationship.. go deep in understanding:) people try both and then go CRAZY”
    These r also Osho’s words
    So be alert what you are doing baad me don’t blame poor Osho.

  43. good

  44. whow story is very nice

  45. That Story Is Very Nise
    هذه قصه بالفعل فى غايه الروعه والجمال
    وايضا الابطال

  46. idea is pretty good but will it work in indian society without creating any problem ,its doubtful. what if u loose ur intrest totally when u realize that new thing is much better than old one .will this not create a problem for that person more who have extra relation in this case.

  47. Osho: It is not a question of West or East. Both are obsessed with sex — of course, in different ways. The West is indulgent, the East is repressive, but the obsession is the same. And the significant question is: Why is the West so indulgent? It is two thousand years of Christianity and its repressive methods that have brought this indulgence.

    The East is repressive; sooner or later, it is going to become indulgent. The mind of man moves like a pendulum, from the right to the left, from the left to the right. And remember, while the pendulum is moving to the right it is gaining momentum to move to the left, and vice versa. It appears it is going to the left, but it is gaining momentum, energy, to go to the right.

    When a society is repressive it is gaining momentum to become indulgent, and when a society is indulgent it is gaining momentum again to become repressive. So a strange thing is bound to happen, and in fact, it is happening: the West has been indulgent for a few decades and the repressive trend is arising again. There are many cults which preach celibacy now.


  48. If you are obsessed, repressed, everything will remind you of sex — EVERYTHING, because you are carrying such a load, you will go on projecting. There is no need for a real woman to be there, just a SARI, hanging, will do. There is no need for a real woman there, just one of my long-haired sannyasins going by… and from the back you see… and those long hairs… and it is there.

    You cannot get beyond sex by repressing it. The way beyond is through. The way beyond is through understanding


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: